Blogger Blitz Semi Finals – Hotel Hijinks

Imagine my surprise to have made it to round two! Sadly the conditions weren’t perfect, for the ever talented Lightning Ellen was unable to post her entry and therefore the battle never happened. Hopefully this piece, entitled Hotel Hijinks, will help to honour her entry, Lightning from Final Fantasy XIII. Here is the mission statement from Adventure Rules HQ:

Goodness, that last round of competition was pretty exhausting, eh? You and your ship could really use some time to relax, and a holiday at a ritzy hotel sounds like the perfect getaway! There’s only one problem: your opponent from the first round needed to blow off some steam after their loss and they thoroughly trashed the very hotel that you booked! Tell us all about the location from your world that you chose to visit, how your previous opponent wrecked the place, and how in the world you plan to fix it and bring this vacation back from the brink.

Dear Mr. Morgana,

First of all, please accept my most humble, heartfelt apologies. I believe that both Miss Takamaki and yourself were very much eagerly anticipating your visit to our beautiful Hawaii-Kawaii hotel here on Oahu island, Hawaii’s first 8 star hotel, especially after that chillingly exciting forest adventure that I read about on the internet recently.

Normally accommodating the two of you would be no problem at all, indeed we had the ocean view penthouse ready to go, including a fully stocked minibar, king size bed and, of course, your requested giant hot tub (with a floating cushion, I must admit I am still very curious about that addition!). However, we have run into a problem. On Saturday we allowed another guest to stay for the night, one Miss Lightning Farron. She claimed to be of acquaintance to you even! It seems, regrettably, that Miss Farron was not in the best of moods during her stay, often overheard by the management to be ranting and raving about some kind of competition and, most distressingly, wolves and waterfalls, something about it being all in her mind?

Well anyway, I digress. The pink haired lady booked out this morning looking far more relaxed, which is nice, but upon examination of the suite we were most upset, shocked, even horrified to see that she had completely destroyed it! The bed was in tatters, the minibar entirely drained an even the floating cushion had been sent to the bottom of the hot tub, like a sad velvet Titanic.

Please accept my most humble, heartfelt apologies once again, for we will not be able to honour our deal and, therefore, must refund you your booking fee.

I’m sure I can recommend some other good hotels along the seafront,

John Hotelsson

General Manager


Dear Mr Hotelsson,

Thank you for your letter, I’m glad that you took the time to write to us in regards to this terrible turn of events. We have been led to believe that this Lightning character was indeed encountered on our now infamous forest hike and that, in ordinary circumstances, she isn’t such a bad person (I’ve even heard somebody say that she’s saved her world once or twice, which is totally empowering!) so I can only assume that her rage must have been deep and just a little terrifying when she laid the ocean view penthouse to waste.

I went on a school trip to Hawaii a couple of years ago and my friends and I really enjoyed ourselves there. The sun! The sea! The sand! The food! It would be a terrible shame if we had to cancel, my good friend Morgana was unable to join us last time and he’s been dying to go ever since. To make sure that our vacation goes ahead as planned, we are willing to do something crazy, something never before heard of: we are going to fix that room for you! Yes, that’s right, your paying guests are happy to get their hands dirty and get the penthouse looking as good as new once again! It probably sounds a bit silly, a high school girl and her friend taking part in a bit of sun kissed DIY, but we have discussed the subject between ourselves and are ready to really go for it! All we need from you is permission and to use the hotel’s tools and resources (I’m talking free coffee here folks) and we can get this working holiday going!

Looking forward to hearing back from you,

Ann Takamaki (& Morgana).

Can you believe they went without me!?

Morgana’s Travel Log:

26/XX – So, I know what you’re thinking Thieves, what damage could one pink haired super soldier inflict on a hotel room? Well hoo boy, let me tell you all about that! Furniture? Cut up with swords! Windows? Broken by some crazy magic spell! The nice atmosphere? Destroyed by lethal doses of angst! Not even all of you lot put together could make things this angsty, and you have Futaba! Anyway, Lady Ann and I are currently putting together an almighty list of tools and things that we can use to get this pad back up to standard, ‘cos it currently looks like Joker’s attic! (I’m just pulling your leg, I love that attic!)

27/XX – So, Lady Ann has made a point. Whilst in that lovely alternate, cognition powered dimension we call the Metaverse, I am an all powerful warrior, able to use blade and slingshot and, of course, turn into a van. But here in the real world, poor Morgana here has to exist in the body of a cat! To be quite honest, I’m not much good for DIY in this state. Thankfully, however, I managed to acquire a special treasure in lowest levels of the deadly Mementos dungeon, called the Plotte Devyze Macguffin. Weird name, I know, but it allows me to exist in my true,handsome form in the real world, so long as I don’t get noticed by any regular folk there will no complications!

28/XX – The best thing about being able to turn into a van is that you don’t need to hire one! We headed down to Home Depot today and picked up lots of useful resources which we’ll need (all to be reimbursed by the hotel, I hope!). Wood, fabric, other things (I may have entrusted our quest to Lady Ann, who is ever unflappable) and we soon had a Morgana/van full of materials! Now we just need to figure out how to actually use them…

…and wow, what an amazing start! Lady Ann is a magnificent decorator and, I daresay, I’m no slouch either! Early days, perhaps, but this place is already looking like this Lightning character never paid it a visit at all! We’ve got a fresh coat of paint on the walls,the bed is being rebuilt from scratch by yours truly (my sword makes for a fine saw!) and I might even try my hand at some light fitting! What can possibly go wrong?

A lot, apparently. Electricity hurts! It was very nice of Lady Ann to fish me out of the hot tub before I drowned in bubbles and other people’s sweat, I couldn’t think of a worse death, and I’ve spent a year inside Joker’s gym bag!

Whilst I just lie on the balcony here, overlooking this beautiful Pacific Ocean, I can’t help but think that it’s time I retire, hang up my slingshot and relax in some beautiful paradise. Although I admit, I’m still a little worried about the woman who trashed this room. I think it was the same woman who we encountered the Shadow version of in that strange forest, a dark version of her created by her psyche that embodies all of her negative traits. I cannot help but wonder if she, and ourselves also, are caught up in some kind of strange, twisted game? But to what ends? Will there be tuna sushi as a grand prize?

29/XX – And we are done! New windows fitted and looking beautiful, carpets laid down, even the floating cushion in the hot tub is once again afloat! I think we deserve a place on primetime Hawaaian TV for our efforts, let alone the remaining 2 days stay for free! Lady Ann is a little worried that we have made it too… extravagant, but I’d wager that we’ve got the tone just right! Aloha suckers!

It may not have looked quite like this…

Dear Mr. Morgana,

I am glad to hear from my reception staff that you enjoyed your most unusual working vacation. After the Farron woman trashed our best room I was dreading what awful lawsuit may befall us, so when you offered to fix the room up instead I was very pleasantly surprised.

I do, however, have a few questions:

Firstly, where did tht lovely retro Citroen van come from that you used? There was something very unique about it! I went to have a look one day but couldn’t see it anywhere, perhaps you parked in a different parking lot?

Secondly, I thought your cat was adorable, if a little prickly. It’s always great to see people who openly have cute conversations with their pets (even if it got rather… real at times!)

Thirdly, I was expecting you to join your friend on this trip, yet I only ever saw Miss Takamaki and her cat. I do hope that the initial chaos didn’t put you off? I promise that super soldiers acting like The Who are few and far between around here!

Finally, please accept my thanks. You did a glorious job of making the suite cosy once more. It is truly a shame that it was also a terrible health and safety hazard and that a professional team will have to gut the room entirely to get it back up to spec.

But don’t worry about any of that! You have been excellent guests with plenty of passion! I truly wish you all the best in round two!


John Hotelsson

General Manager

Lovely art by Ian Matining!

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